равносметка

I wanted to make a bit of a different blog post today, since the year ends tomorrow. I must admit I do find the time between Christmas and New Year a bit odd. Like, OK Christmas ended, we saw our relatives and played with our nephews, but still what are we supposed to do while waiting to get drunk on 31st? We make равносметка. Равносметка (pronounced ‘ravnosmetka’) is a Bulgarian word meaning you are making a review of what have you done and achieved throughout the whole year and you think about the final results, whether you like them or not. I wanted to write it in Bulgarian this particular word, because I felt inspired after this t-shirt I saw in Camden month ago:

shirt
Seeing a word in your own language in a high rated store in central London can be more than exciting. But what inspired me most is the hint of diversity and multiculturalism behind this shirt and the brand that made it. Also the word ”равноправие” {‘ravnopravie’} in Bulgarian stands for equality and so I felt extra attached, because of the idea of our product that represented sexual equality for which I spoke in my previous blog post.

My равносметка for 2016 is that basically it was a pretty good year for me considering where I was just three months ago. I finished my BA degree in Sofia with distinction and I am now proud to call myself a Public Relations Expert. I got my IELTS with let me say extremely good mark and was accepted and received offer from two of the top universities in London to study my masters.

I must admit I was quite bifurcate between University of the Arts London and Kingston University London. In UAL I would get to study Television and learn how to master my own TV program, even the financing part of the business. When I graduated I knew I wanted to do a master degree related to creative arts, entertainment and show business in general. Then one day a friend of mine told me something that made me revise my decision.

-Have you heard of the website called ‘topuniversities.com’?

– Not at all, what is it about?

-You should go check it, in there you will find the best universities in London.

Since I was still unsure about where I want to study and I also preferred having more than one option, I listened to her. I opened the website and there it was. Kingston University with huge blue letters. To be honest, I never heard of the university until I opened this website. I went to the university web page and found out that I could study music! My childhood dream coming true in my head got me going and I decided to apply for the masters course in “Music and the Creative Economy”. But it was not only the music, although sometimes it is more than enough by itself. I wanted to learn how to make my own business, my own music business. I wanted to learn even further how to manage a business I am passionate about. Weather it would be my own label, PR company, creating public image for musicians of even becoming a musician myself I knew I had to learn how to sell myself and my ‘art’. And I am not talking about making commercial music and whatever the market wants only to get fast and easy fame. I am talking about sustainability!

While talking about commercial music nowadays and the unquenchable thirst for fame, go check my colleague Christie’s blog post about this topic. I am sure you will like it: https://cjoregan.wordpress.com/2016/11/17/parallel-industries/ 

Music and the Creative Economy. I fell in love with the campus and my colleagues from the day I saw them. Everything was so engaging and interesting! I still think I have made the right decision and I am not feeling sorry about it. Although sometimes it is inevitable not to ask how it would have been ‘IF’.

Everything was fine, until I met… myself. I can be quite strange sometimes and often I would feel prisoner of my own mind at times. It is normal for students to feel in a certain way when they are away from family and friends and even the city you lived for the last 5 years of your existence. I missed my family back home I missed my friends, I missed my pet, I missed Sofia, I missed partying. Everything has changed so drastically and I was basically thousands of miles away from my comfort zone.

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Source: my tumblr blog. Go check it out at www.allexandraqueen.tumblr.com

Dark thoughts were all over my mind. I could not sleep, I cried trying to release the pressure and stress I had gained, but nothing really changed the fact that I was still alone in a city that hosted millions of people. What upset me the most was the fact that I never showed my weakness. I could not afford it. I was not allowed to. Friends were texting me, saying that they see how happy I was, but in reality they did not know how I felt that time. The happiness I have experienced at the beginning of the semester had vanished somewhere deep behind the new dark thoughts that ruled my mind.

As I grew up I was always hyper sensitive and emotional. But what I never expected was that being so vulnerable would give me the greatest power of all times. With years I learned to accept and express myself. Sometimes, though, you do not know what life behind the corner may serve you…

I was a prisoner of my own thoughts and actions. What hurt me the most is that people were telling me “put yourself together”, but I was together I was just lost! Words may sound easier than actions in 99% of the time. I had to behave like a professional so I wore that mask but I never really find myself back again until…

…I got my life back in my hands! Live rolls around and after the storm there is always sunshine. I started to try treating myself like I would treat a best friend. Because if we are not our own best friends then who will truly be? Tony (my best friend from my student years in Sofia) helped me a lot by talking to me and listening to me complaining on the phone for hours. She was on the other side of the globe back in the USA and I was in the UK. Both alone. Both with mission to accomplish. That is why we both felt so related to our stories and we used that to inspire each other and bring one another out of the blue. I tried to focus on the positive side of life and that is when I started seeing beauty back in my everyday routine.

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When life gives you lemons… if you are not Beyonce, then take pictures and ‘blog’ them!

We are not alone. The world will not stop spinning around after we die. This is why we need to use our full potential while here on Earth and accomplish our mission that we were sent Here with. I am thankful to all of YOU for being in my life and teaching me HOW to be a better person. I want to be a better person. I want to inspire people and to share the love globally. I want to stop wars and I want to unite people. In 2017 I wish to do something that will allow me to do at least part of that. And I wish you to never stop moving up and going after your goals and desires. Because life is short, man. Live it NOW!

                                                      Happy New 2017 Year and Be Blessed! 

 

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